today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize