I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize