I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
