you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize