Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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