i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
