yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
