OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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