They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize