Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
