She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
3pm strippers are depressing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
