Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
