:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
