i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
