He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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