A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
