Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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