Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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