Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had to cum in my sink.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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