If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
