covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
