she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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