tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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