What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
