I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
