I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
