I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
