He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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