why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
