i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
