Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
