Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
