god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
