wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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