yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
