when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
