i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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