Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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