can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
