i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
