Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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