Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
FUCK WHALES
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
