i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
