I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
