Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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