He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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