shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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