what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
