i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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