he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
