My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
