I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
