Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize