i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
