My friends, they love my intelligence
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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