Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
love makes seman taste better
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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