he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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