yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
