i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
