roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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