i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
