If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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