i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
