peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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