I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
