dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
