barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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