My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize