my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
