as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
